The World's Worst Sports Blog

Bartolo Colon pitches shutout, shuffles off mound on walker May 31, 2011

Noted elderly person Bartolo Colon was handed the ball by Joe Girardi on Memorial Day, no doubt to commemorate Colon’s memories of having a functional back. Colon, at age 38 as of last week, turned around and pitched a brilliant 4-hit shutout against the Oakland Athletics, taking out As starter Trevor Cahill on an exceptionally economical 103 pitches. Keep in mind, at age 38, Colon has been playing professionally since 1993, so his career can legally purchase cigarettes this year.

We don’t have to go back very far to steal Colon’s thunder, though. Last May, Phillies starter and AARP representative Jamie Moyer managed a complete game two-hitter at the spry young age of 47 years, 170 days old. He topped Colon’s game score, 88 compared to 85, and just barely used more pitches (105). Moyer unfortunately had to retire after recurring injuries, which will probably be Colon’s fate soon enough.